The silent struggle of men in Gen X

Over the last year, I've had a glimpse into a rarely discussed phenomenon: the existential crisis brewing amongst men in Generation X.

There’s a very real disquiet simmering under the surface as 40 and 50-something men grapple with rapidly shifting societal roles and expectations.

Some might cautiously open up after a couple of beers, or with a trusted confidant:

“Sometimes I feel I have nothing left to offer." 

"How can I keep providing for my family for 10, 20… 40 years?"

"What even does it mean to be a man today?"

Yet open conversation is vanishingly rare. 

Now, you may think “yeah, but they’ve had it their way for years”. And you’d be right. But I’m not sure this is simply a case of male fragility.

There are many mid-life men who genuinely want to contribute, be of value… to simply be useful. Yet they find themselves in a state of paralysis. They’re unsure where to go next, how to show up, which skills to build.

A confusing riptide of detachment and irrelevance is breeding steadily worsening isolation. And a dearth of conversation means the spiral continues. 

Why does this matter? 

Young males badly need positive role models to aspire towards and pattern their own identities after. Adrift older men leave that pipeline disrupted, a void filled by troubling alternatives (on which there is now a vast body of research)

Workplaces require productive contributors, not people embittered.

Relationships suffer when partners grow distant.

The world becomes that much less diverse.

All levels of society lose out when a significant segment feels displaced and disconnected. The same is true here.

I don’t yet have a full grasp on this topic, and I can’t put my finger on *exactly* what it all means. Yet I sense it’s worth paying attention to - that there are nuanced challenges here worth unpacking.

While under-correcting for previous gender indiscretions is unwise, so is turning a blind eye when the world shifts. ‘Cos as with life itself, this ain’t a zero-sum game. Two things can be true at once.

So, here’s a small spotlight on an oft-avoided discussion. Because poorly understood problems rarely reach worthwhile resolutions.

Am I seeing this all wrong? Or is there a significant male crisis brewing?

P.S. If this topic resonates, do look up the work of Richard Reeves. As he suggest: “Gender equality is not a zero sum game. We can do more for boys and men without doing less for women and girls. We can be passionate about women’s rights, and compassionate towards the struggles of boys and men.”

[Edit: This week Melinda Gates committed $20m to Reeves’ nonprofit, the American Institute for Boys and Men. Maybe there is something going on... ]